The Inner Critic
Self-compassion, which helps us become more gentle with ourselves, is a highly effective intervention when we tend to be hard on ourselves. This happens more frequently than we may realize. Why? Have you ever noticed an inner critic in your mind, one (or a chorus!) who can be very harsh, pushy, and even mean at times? “Don’t try that, you may get hurt; you don’t measure up, you’re not enough….”
These inner critics may have started in childhood when a parent, with best intentions, told us not to talk to strangers. The inner critic's original purpose was to keep us protected from harm. Later on in life, though, those voices in our heads still telling us it's not safe, so remain in our comfort zones, can undermine our growth. That old narrative may keep us in a prison of self-doubt, trapped by our own limiting beliefs.
Yet, at work and in life, we need to move forward and connect with others. To grow, we must venture from our comfort zones. To thrive, we have to be open to adapt, try new things and engage in the adventure.
So, it's time to question these beliefs and decide if they are still useful. To do that, we have to identify the hidden inner narratives that are driving us. Here are 4 good categories to start: Are you being ruled by:
- Dan the Drill Sergeant: keeps you in line, and on task, so you get it done.
- Laura the Looker: wants to makes sure you look your best, and strive for perfection, so you don’t get made fun of.
- Negative Norman: will always show you the downside, so you can anticipate the worst and not be sideswiped.
- Willa the Worrier: helps you consider all possibilities under the sun, so you don’t try anything foolish.
Best Life Challenge
Dan the Drill Sargent, Laura Looker, Negative Norman, Willa the Worrier are just some examples.
- Do any of these resonate with you?
- Which personal version of these voices might still be hooking you in?
- Can you give your inner(s) critic a name?
That will helps you realize they do not define you. You can thank them for their dedicated service, and advise them that it’s time for them to graduallyadapt from the critic role to the encourager role; you’ll take nothing less.
It’s time to move on.
Reflection Questions:
- If you had to give your inner critic a name, what would it be? Having a name for that aspect of ourselves makes it easier to identify when it barges into our minds and tries to take over.
- What situations trigger that voice?
- Imagine you had a coach inside of you who saw right through the tired old scripts of your inner critic. What would she/he tell you to help you realize that the critic's voice does not reflect who you really are?
- Create two columns - one for the messages of your inner critic, and a second one for the voice of your inner coach.
- This is not about tricking your mind into believing you are something you are not; it is about reclaiming, in a quietly confident way, who you really are.
Video Boost:
Stanford Professor Shirzad Chamine, author of the New York Times bestseller Positive Intelligence, exposes 10 well-disguised mental saboteurs and shares how to defeat them.
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