Grateful and Still Wanting More

“I have so much to be grateful for.”

Sometimes we say it with real appreciation. We look around at the people we love, the home we’ve made, the things that have worked out, and we feel it.

Other times, that same sentence arrives just as we’re about to admit something feels missing.

Who am I to want more? Look at everything I already have.

And that’s where a good practice can become a way of cutting ourselves off.

Don't get me wrong. I value gratitude. It helps me notice what I might otherwise take for granted. But I also want to be careful about using it to quiet a feeling before I’ve understood what it’s trying to tell me.

We can feel grateful for the life we have and still sense something stirring beneath our familiar routines. A wish we haven’t made room for. A desire to feel more alive. A part of ourselves that hasn’t found expression yet.

We may not even be able to name it. It can be a gnawing feeling that we can't yet put not words. The thing is, we don’t have to. It helps just to notice that it is there.

When your own wishes become unfamiliar

Many of us have had plenty of practice keeping everything afloat. We anticipate what people need, make things work, and forge ahead. Ask us what needs doing, and we can probably give you a list before you’ve finished the question.

Ask what we want, and there may be a longer pause.

When you’re used to considering everyone else, our own preferences can become surprisingly hard to hear. Even when a desire surfaces, we may start negotiating with it.

That would be nice, but it’s hardly necessary. It would inconvenience someone. People might think we’re being selfish.

Besides, we should be satisfied. Many people would long for the life we have...

Sometimes there’s another hesitation beneath all of that: What if there really is more I want? What would that mean for the life I’ve already built?

It can feel easier to leave the question alone. Does that feel familiar?

Giving desire a little room

Sometimes, “I have so much to be grateful for” becomes a way to end the conversation with ourselves. We never get around to asking what feels missing, or what we might be curious to explore. Life is busy and that, for sure, is not the priority...

You might love your family and want an evening that belongs to you. Appreciate your partner and long for conversations that go beyond schedules and errands. Feel proud of your work and miss making something simply for the pleasure of it.

What might you want more room for?

• Friendships where you can speak freely.
• Music, dance, or the fun of making something.
• A small adventure you’ve been putting off.
• Deeper conversations with a partner or child.
• Feeling more comfortable in your own skin.
• Time to follow an interest without having to justify it.

Something on that list may catch your attention. Or your answer may be entirely different.

Try letting it exist for a moment before deciding whether it’s practical. 

What would it cost to explore?

There may be real considerations: time, money, responsibilities, someone who depends on you. Those deserve an honest look.

But it’s also worth asking what you fear might happen if you gave a desire some attention. Would someone be put out or disappointed? Would you feel guilty? Would trying expose you to the possibility of being a beginner, or discovering that you want something different than you'd ever expected?

For years, I held myself back because, on one level, I did not want to surpass my mother. I had longed for her to set a strong example for my life. When her own challenges made that difficult, I put my aspirations on pause.

It felt like the right thing to do.

Her death put my dormant callings front and center. We never know how much time we have. What was important to me, on a soul level, to explore?

That question deserves some attention while we can still do something with the answer.

Begin with something you can try

You don’t have to understand every longing or make a major decision. A small experiment can help you discover what a desire actually means to you.

If you miss making things, spend half an hour with the materials you already have. If you want a closer friendship, invite someone to spend time together and make room for a real conversation.

Then notice how it felt. Was there enjoyment? Awkwardness? An interest in doing it again? You’re allowed to learn as you go.

There is room to appreciate what you’ve built and get acquainted with something in yourself that hasn’t had much attention lately (or ever). You may be curious about where it could lead. 

For now, begin with this:

What have you been reluctant to admit you want, because you think you should already be satisfied? 

Curiosity and joy aren’t selfish. They can bring more vibrancy to the rest of your life, too. Give them a little room to breathe, and see what emerges.