How to Get Out Of Your Own Way

 3 steps to activate the best within you

We all have an ego - sometimes it feels like it's there to help you, but sometimes, especially as you evolve, you will find that it holds you back; it stands in your way. What can you do? First of all, what exactly is your ego? The ego is your sense of self, of self-worth - it's how you think of yourself. If you had to fill the blank: I am... stubborn, smart, boring, kind, don't fit in...These are stories you developed from early childhood. The ego scouted the territory for threats to your safety, and its number one job was to try to guard you to stay safe.

Why does this happen? As little kids, we all need our parents, or caregivers to give us love. Without love, a baby cannot survive, never mind thrive.

But real life is not always perfect. Parents, unless they have done some inner work. can only love as well as they were taught to love. Many did not have great role models. They may not have the time, they may be dealing with their own inner demons,  they may not have a sense of boundaries. They may have been unable to fully meet your needs because they couldn't even meet their own. So your ego comes in:

1. to take charge and protect you, and 2.  to keep itself feeling needed too. Sometimes, if it's risky to be too shiny and bright, the ego will tell you not to rock the boat, that it's safer to be less visible, or that you have to be perfect to be loved.  These are just examples of all the many stories we tell ourselves. The thing is, when you grow older, these stories can get in your way. The ego is still trying to be the boss of you, and keep you smaller than who you can be, even if circumstances have changed (which they have).

So if you hear that inner critic’s voice in your head – recognize that it’s your ego, specifically your negative ego trying to stay in charge. And the messages it often gives, will be geared to keep you where you are. Known situations, even if they are uncomfortable, are way less scary to the ego than unfamiliar territory.

But many of you are being asked to look deeper, and to question your situation, your priorities and your direction. Growth will be faster when you are aware of your ego in action.

Some clues that the negative ego is arising

• you may feel yourself as less successful than others
• maybe life itself feel like a competition
• you feel lack, a focus on what you are missing or what you don’t know.
• It feels safer to suffer the familiar than to stretch into who you are becoming.

So what can you do?

1. Awareness – be aware of the ego, and the situations, which are sometimes new or stressful, when the ego wants to keep you where you are.
2. Step into Authenticity - Good news – there is another part of you, a deeper part, call it your true nature, or your authentic self that can transcend the ego, that is solid and sure and grounded… in a foundation of love (rather than habit.)
3. Practice Being You – the more aware of the dynamic of the ego, you can thank it for being there in the early years, but now it’s time to claim your authentic self.

Nicole LePera: the.holistic.psychologist, explains it this way:

• Ego Story: “I am too late, I should have done this years ago.’
• Authentic Self: I am exactly where I am meant to be + trust the timing of my life.

• Ego Story: “It’s selfish to have boundaries and to put myself first.”
• Authentic Self: Stating my limits ad my needs is the greatest act of Self Love.

• Ego Story: “I’m afraid of being judged.”
• Authentic Self: I am safe to be seen, safe to express and safe to be who I am regardless of what that brings up in others.

You can absolutely evolve into a more authentic version of yourself by noticing the ego or inner critic trying to provoke self-doubt. Then, call on your inner resources, your authentic self, to frame the situation through the eyes of self-love. Ask, “What would the strongest and wisest part of me advise me to do?” Practice focusing on that inner strength, and practice bringing it forward. In time, you will change the neural pathways of your brain and ease into who you are becoming.