Have you ever noticed that the critic's voice (your not good enough, don’t know enough, not loveable enough, not productive enough…) is just so annoying?
Have you ever been so tired of certain negative thought patterns that you just wanted a better way to navigate through? Today we’re talking about 3 ways to break the tendency and move forward and 4 tips to seal in your progress. Most people are burdened with these, so let’s explore what to do.
To make any changes at all, you have to know what you are changing from. Most often, people are so engaged in doing that they separate or dissociate from how are negative thought patterns are showing up in their mind, or bodies for that matter. It’s like being on autopilot. But when you ask are there circumstances that come up repeatedly that bring in negative thought patterns, that open your awareness. For example: "I know when I am meeting someone I admire, my mind gets me anxious and I feel my shoulders get tight." Another example is when you have to give a presentation, do you hear the “they won’t like it” repeated in your mind, do you feel butterflies in your stomach? Can you be more AWARE of how you are feeling in the moment?
So let’s say you are practicing being attuned to when a negative thought pattern is infiltrating your mind. Here’s a fun exercise to grow more detached from that situation. It might help to notice the narrative, and to give that negative pattern (like putting yourself down) a name or persona. It can be a funny name that you associate with an evil Disney character, like Cruella, or an unpleasant teacher.
What name will you choose – go for the first one that crosses your mind. Mine is Matilda. “Oh, there she is again.“ And instead of giving them the power, know that they have been trying to help you, up to now, perhaps by keeping you safe, under the radar. “Don’t try this – you may be embarrassed. Don’t stand out – you could be singled out and made fun of.” The intentions may have been good when you were younger, but now you are evolving and no longer need them to protect you the same way.
So, you replace that old pattern with intentionally connecting with another part of you- call it your core self, your inner wise tender parent, your empowering cheerleader, your gentle guide, whatever resonates for you. That part is with you always, underneath all the mental chatter; it is waiting for you – sometimes you just have to take some deep breaths to calm down and regulate your nervous system. Then it is so much easier to bring this compassionate part of you front and center. And make an intention to be open to the message. Imagine soothing words like, “Their opinion doesn’t matter; You got this ... Just take the next baby step and be proud of yourself. Most of all, I’m here for you now.” You are actually re-parenting the part of you that was neglected, put down, or simply scared. Instead of waiting for outward conditions to change, you are taking charge – you’re managing the inner conversation – catching the old script and replacing it with something that will give you a foundation of inner confidence and actually help you move forward.
It’s not enough to just try on something new. You have to support the changes you are creating: Nicole Lapera offers 4 Pillars of re-parenting:
Enjoy this free video series to get you going with greater clarity and confidence.
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