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What Relationship “Type” Are You?


We all want better relationships - at the end of the day that’s what we’ll remember, right? Today we’re talking about a brand new way to know how compatible you are with the important people in your life.


 Know Yourself - most people go through life unconscious that we have been conditioned to react or take on certain roles because of how we were brought up. Love and relationships start when we are babies, and we develop certain coping mechanisms as ways of securing love and safety. So it is useful to know if your parents respectful to each other or not? Did your family express their emotions or keep them bottled up? How did your parents relate to you? Did you feel neglected or seen? All these factors and so many more influence how we look for love, and connection. What was incomplete or unresolved in childhood, we try to work out later on. That’s why some people see traits of their parents in their significant others (He/she sounds just like my mother or father) – and that can be a golden opportunity to heal, by working it out together. Think about patterns you may have adopted, like being the caretaker, the protector, the peacemaker, the overachiever. Do any of these resonate in any typical roles you find yourself in? These are major clues.


Speaking of roles, some of these are actually linked to our relationship “type.” It is fascinating that these relationship types are not based on psychology, but actually on the SYSTEMS that light up in your brain. And they are different for everyone. Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher has done pioneering research using brain scans to find out why certain people get along better with others, and who’s your best match. And she’s developed a quiz that has been done by over 14 million people globally. It’s called the “Anatomy of Love” and I’ll have the link below.


Based on 4 distinct styles of thinking, this quiz helps us learn OUR personality types, and recognize others. Are you an Explorer, Builder, Director or Negotiator? You may be a combination of 2. Each personality type correlates to a specific brain system: dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, or estrogen. Which one or two “types” jump out for you? Let’s go through them:


Explorer: you primarily express the traits linked with the dopamine system - you’re the DOPAMINE type.

  • you tend to be curious, creative, spontaneous, energetic, restless, enthusiastic, impulsive, and mentally flexible.
  • You are OK taking risks personally and in business.
  • Good at idea generation. You don’t have much patience for people who are boring.
  • You love to be with people like you, who resonate at the same energy level – you can recognize people who are of your tribe.


Builder: you primarily express the traits linked with the SERATONIN system.

  • People with high serotonin activity are more sociable - they like to belong.
  • More comfortable with traditional approaches than exploration. Your happy place is as a builder or guardians.
  • You tend to be calm, cautious, controlled, persistent, detail-oriented, structured, fact-oriented, loyal. You’re a planner who prefer loyal people over exciting people.
  • You prefer hanging out with people like you.



Director: you primarily express the traits linked with the testosterone system.

  • You are direct, decisive, skeptical, competitive, and assertive, inventive, experimental.
  • You’re also emotionally contained, analytical, and exacting.
  • You thrive in systems with rules—engineering, computers, mechanics, math, and music. You do well where people are ranked – you would be the director.
  • You generally like to surround yourself with people who are the opposite of you.


Negotiator: you primarily express the traits linked with the estrogen system.

  • You are intuitive, introspective, imaginative, trusting, and a long-term thinker.
  • You’re very empathetic; sensitive to people’s feelings, and you have great verbal and social skills and emotional intelligence
  • They’re big-picture thinkers, are good with ambiguity well, have mental flexibility and strong executive social skills.
  • You may be drawn to people who are the opposite.



Tips from Helen Fisher on how to communicate with the four personality types:

If you want to be on the same wavelength with a dopamine type, an Explorer:

Do: be energetic, optimistic and enthusiastic. Be flexible, spontaneous and creative. Explore new information and ideas. Speculate and theorize. Give them variety, possibilities and choices.

Don’t overemphasize the details, the logistics, rigid schedules.


If you want to be on the same wavelength with a seratonin type, a Builder:

Be calm, concrete, have a plan and stick to a schedule. The less risky, the better. Dot the I’s and cross the t’s. Details matter. Avoid speculating, exaggerating, or anything that appears unorganized. Order, planning, and dependability is key.


If you want to be on the same wavelength with a testosterone type, a Director:

Focus on the goal. Be logical-big picture then details. Depend on facts not emotion. Be clear, concise, and confident. If you talk about theories, back them up with facts.


If you want to be on the same wavelength with an with an estrogen type, a Negotiator:

It’s about long-term thinking and understanding the context. Emphasize what you agree on. Facts and data are important, so are feelings and appreciation. Be real, not robotic. It’s important to allow time to explore all the options, don’t interrupt an explanation, rush a decision, or force your opinion.


Think of your primary type or 2 types and see where your family, friends, and colleagues land. You can take the test at https://theanatomyoflove.com/ Share what type you are below.


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